Imagine in your mind a posh country club
The stuffy old money where the poor kid's snubbed
The spread is bland sauerkraut and boiled goose
There's no way these people will ever cut loose

But then I walk in the room, hold my boombox high
And what happened next, will blow your mind

[Julian Casablancas]
Everything got outta control
The music was so entrancing
Everyone got out on the floor
It was a bunch of old white people dancing

[The Lonely Island]
Now picture if you will a bunch of business men
Stuffed in the boardroom like pigs in a pen
The ties around the necks are like a hangman's noose
In the middle of the table theres a boiled goose

The old people smell makes you want to puke in the sink
These dudes will never dance yeah that's what you think
I stride in the room all young and hip
Hold up my boombox and say listen to this

[Julian Casablancas]
Then everyone started to move
People rejoiced instead of financing
Your preconcieved notions were shattered
By the super old white people dancing

[The Lonely Island]
The big apple, where people never dance
Spirits go down while profits expand
The cops or the dealers, who's got the juice
The street vendors peddling their boiled goose

So many types of people will never get along
Till I bust out my boombox and play this song

[Julian Casablancas]
The music washed away all the hate
And society started advancing
Every demographic was represented
It was a rainbow coalition of dancing
Whoa!
Everyone was wearing fingerless gloves
Whoaaaaaoaaaaaoh!
I saw a spanish guy doing the Bartman

[The Lonely Island]
Transport now to an old folks home
Where the elderly are tossed on their brittle bones
The orderlies are stealing there's no excuse
Everyday for lunch they eat boiled goose

So I grabbed my boombox and hit the turbo bass
And what happened next was a total disgrace

[Julian Casablancas]
Everybody started having sex
The music was way too powerful
A bunch of old people fucking like rabbits
It was disgusting to say the least
Oh!
A boombox can change the world
You gotta know your limits with a boombox
This was a cautionary tale
A boombox is not a toy

Intro (Samberg):
It seems like these days the whole world's on fire.
Things keep blowin' the hell up,...
And while all those rubberneckers and looky loos stand slackjawed starin,
The real men have the nuts to walk away.

Song:
Cool guys don't look at explosions
They blow things up and then walk away
Who's got time to watch an explosion?
Because cool guys have errands that they have to walk to..
Keep walkin', keep shinin'
Don't look back keep on walkin'
Keep struttin' slow motion
The more you ignore it, the cooler you look

Samberg: Ladies & gentlemen, please join me in welcoming..
Mr. Neil Diamond!

Will Ferrell: ha ha ha....Where are we?!

Cool guys don't look at explosions
They stride for it in their diamond covered boots
They wear jumpsuits with glitter and rhinestones
And walk away in slow motion..
Keep walkin, you're cruisin..
Cherry Cherry...Sweet Caroline..
Denzel walks...
Will Smith walks...
Mark Wahlberg is wearin a hat!

Samberg: Going solo....JJ Abrams!

JJ Abrams solo
Yeah!
Okay.

Because,
Cool guys don't look at explosions,
Walk fast from the roaring explosion,
And don't think about the people you killed

2...3...4!
x2AAAHHHHHHHHHHH
JJ Abrams outro

[Intro (T-Pain)]
(Shawty) Aww shit
Get your towels ready it's about to go down (yeah, shawty)
Everybody in the place hit the fuckin deck (yeah, shawty)
But stay on your motherfuckin toes
We runnin this, let's go

[Chorus (T-Pain)]
I'm on a boat (I'm on a boat)
I'm on a boat (I'm on a boat)
Everybody look at me cause I'm sailin on a boat (sailin on a boat)
I'm on a boat (I'm on a boat)
I'm on a boat
Take a good hard look at the motherfuckin boat (boat, yeah)

[The Lonely Island (T-Pain)]
I'm on a boat motherfucker take a look at me
Straight floatin on a boat on the deep blue sea
Bustin five knots, wind whippin at my coat
You can't stop me motherfucker cause I'm on a boat

Take a picture, trick (trick) I'm on a boat, bitch (bitch)
We drinking Santana champ, cause it's so crisp (crisp)
I got my swim trunks, and my flippie-floppies
I'm flippin burgers, you at Kinko's straight flippin copies

I'm ridin on a dolphin, doin flips and shit
This dolphin's splashin, gettin e'rybody all wet
But this ain't Seaworld, this is real as it gets
I'm on a boat motherfucker, don't you ever forget

I'm on a boat and, it's goin fast and
I got a nautical themed pashmina afghan
I'm the king of the world, on a boat like Leo
If you're on the shore, then you're sho' not me-oh
{Get the fuck up, this boat is real}

Fuck land, I'm on a boat, motherfucker (motherfucker)
Fuck trees, I climb buoys, motherfucker (motherfucker)
I'm on the deck with my boys, motherfucker (yeah)
The boat engine make noise, motherfucker

Hey ma, if you could see me now (see me now)
Arms spread wide on the starboard bow (starboard bow)
Gonna fly this boat to the moon somehow (moon somehow)
Like Kevin Garnett, anything is possible

[T-Pain]
Yeah, never thought I'd be on a boat
It's a big blue watery road (yeah)
Poseidon, Look at me, oh (all hands on deck)
Never thought I'd see the day
When a big boat comin my way
Believe me when I say, I fucked a mermaid

[Chorus]
I'm on a boat
I'm on a boat
Everybody look at me cause im sailin on a boat
I'm on a boat
I'm on a boat
Take a good hard look at the motherfuckin boat

[T-Pain]
Whoahhh
Sha-sha-shorty, shorty
Yeah yeah yeahhh